partial recall

the rain's coming down pretty hard now. we thought this would happen all day. but it kept us waiting in anticipation. the warmer than normal october air smelled clean and sharp. the wind grazed the side of my building catching against the bottom of the upstairs balcony. a whistle; deep howl. i started reading the infinite jest. "it's funny the things we don't recall." at mcdonalds this morning. thinking all is good. seeing a momma and a daddy swinnging their little boy into the air. i'm sure that at some point i had to have done that with my parents. but for the life of me i can't remember. the nightmares have started back up. well they've been back for a while now. but are reaching new heights. several per night now. some of them are new, but then mixed up with the same ones from my childhood. these new ones, i can tell why some elements made it in - on tv that day, something that happened to a friend. but some things are out of nowhere. i'd like to have a nice dream. i remember waking up several months ago. a dream had left me feeling warm and happy and peaceful. but i started thinking, trying to retell. the dream, fragments are only left in my mind. but it had something to do with a building. a building that you could only see at a certain time while standing on certain steps leading to a river. the light of the sun reflected so beautifully off of the building. and in the dream, i was the only one that saw. how can it be that that is the only good dream i can recall? last night it was knives and wolves. but the wolves were on my side this time. tonight i will try to dream of rainbows - or at least a sparkling building. that is all. goodnight.