I don't really remember my birthdays very well. In fact going back past 8th grade I don't remember them at all really (well except for that time we jumped off the balcony onto mattresses and stole my Dad's van). But I remember other people's.
Today I am going to tell you about childhood friend Katie Alexander. Katie was known for her birthday slumber parties.
Katie had a sign on her bedroom door that said "Zero to Bitch in 60 seconds."
She also had one that said "Princess."
Every year she invited about 30 people to her birthday extravaganza which always consisted of massive pizza consumption at Johnny's, Katie shredding paper from a tower of birthday gifts, and slumber party activities back at Katie's house in rural North Louisiana where, like clockwork, Katie would become agitated, throw a tantrum, start screaming, then crying and then lock herself in her room.
It got to the point where everyone began to ignore her behavior.
But this just made things worse. Especially when Katie was not getting undivided attention.
There was the infamous Locomotion incident of '88.
Katie's dad was in a band. He played the guitar. So on this particular birthday, Katie decided she wanted to sing for everybody. "The Locomotion." But by this time in the night nobody really gave a shit that she kept messing up and wanting to start over. And we became even more annoyed that she wouldn't let us sing along.
We lost interest very fast.
Katie would have none of this.
She yelled at everybody (on a microphone) to come listen to HER sing. It was HER birthday after all.
Yeah right.
Tantrum begins.
Of course you always have the kind souls that try to coax Katie from her barricaded room. I even tried my hand at it once thinking I had a special knack for diplomacy. Not so.
But if enough people showered her wooden door with attention she would return to the party.
Of course by then everyone HAD to pretend to be blown away by her rendition of "The Locomotion" or even better, "Walk Like an Egyptian."
And then, then there was the Jalapeno pepper debacle of '89.
In a desperate attempt to win back the unfaltering recognition of her slumber party guests, Katie (on a self-imposed dare) swallowed an entire Jalapeno pepper from one of the Johnny's Pizza boxes.
Well, she got our attention all right. Her face turned purple and her parents had to call in the medics. They came in an ambulance.
A somber tone fell over the crowd. But it was shortlived.
Katie was fine. She ran to her room after the medical help left.
We resumed jumping on her living room furniture.
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