My Dad Loves Me and Bill O'Reilly

Phone rings last night...

Me: Hello?
Dad: Hi Lauren, I was just calling to report that one of your favorite authors, Hunter S. Thompson, died today. he killed himself.
Me: Yeah, I know. I was bummed when I heard it. So what's up?
Dad: Oh nothing. I was just calling to tell you that. I've been sick. I had a fever.
Me: You should really take it easy Dad.
Dad: I know. Hey - I mailed your birthday package today. It should get to you by Wednesday, I think.
Me: Yeah!! For my birthday I was planning on-
Dad: Well I was just calling to report the Hunter S. Thompson death. I've got to go. Bill O'Reilly is on - Laura goes to bible study on Monday night so it's the only night I get to watch it.

Right.