I always knew I was a genius

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Now what remains to be seen is if I will save or destroy the world. My guess is the latter.

Speaking of destroying things. My sister's wedding is next weekend. I realize you are all tired of hearing about it. Hell I am too. I told my mother I didn't want to hear the word dress ever again.

But here's the thing. I have to give a toast/speech, as is customary for the maid of honor. I have no clue what the hell to say. The last time I was a maid of honor I lucked out - the guy in charge of calling on people skipped over me (thank God too because at that point I was telling the drink waiters that the empty seat beside me belong to my "date" who was mysteriously outside "smoking" every time they came back with more wine and that "yes, by God" he also wanted another glass and "Yes, dammit we need two glasses"). The bride was also glad I got skipped.

But this time it's quite mandatory and I'm pretty certain no one is going to forget about me as I am the ONLY bridesmaid.

So I need some advice/help/suggestions here. I need to come up with something short/sweet and please Jesus none of that sentimental shit because well, if you haven't noticed here on this blog, I just don't do sentimental.

Help!

Oh, and as a precaution I've got my cousin tied to a verbal contract that she is to regulate my intake of pre-speech alcohol to only one drink.