Bundle of Joy

So the deal is set for Thursday morning. I had to sit through a five minute video illustrating the root canal procedure that consists mainly of a metal device being rammed back and forth into the middle of your tooth. Like I told the lady that started the video - nothing new there - I've already had this done twice. No need to see the video to remind me that they will be JAMMING A METAL DEVICE INTO MY TOOTH. She made me watch it anyway. No questions? She said after it finished, cocking her head. No.

They put me on antibiotics. Nice. Especially seeing as I'm headed to a bachelorette party extravaganza this weekend - antibiotics = no drinking. Being sober at that event is not an option. I should have asked for more drugs at the dentist. Damn.

Guess what else happens this week? My period. Yay.

In addition to that, if this root canal is anything like the past two, then my entire mouth and part of my face will be numb for a good 3 hours after the procedure. Meaning all of the interviews that I had planned to take care of on Thursday ain't gonna happen. Yay.

So after picking up my amoxicillan prescription at CVS - where an employee pointed his scanner at me like a gun, I headed to Whole Foods and bought chocolate. Lavender flavored chocolate. It's supposed to be relaxing.

Swish and Spit

I'm in some serious need of chocolate. A run to the convenient store may be on order.

I have a super busy week ahead of me and a VERY stressful weekend after that. It's not helping that the mild toothache I've had for the last four days has turned into a throbbing beast. I've got to get into the dentist as soon as possible. I would call up first thing tomorrow - but I've got my monthly staff meeting then. So appointment booking will have to wait until after that's done. I hope they can get me in there fast. It sucks because my schedule is really tight this week, and I'm about 85% sure that this toothache issue is going to involve more than one office visit.

Last night I got some Ambesol in an attempt to stifle the pain. It only made my lips numb. Damn.

I keep thinking about the second to last time I went to the dentist. After performing one of the three procedures (I think cavity fillings) he was scheduled to, my dentist put down his equipment, turned, walked out of the room, down the hall, and out the back door. He got into his car and drove away.

The dental assistants seemed almost as perplexed as I was - but only for a second. Then they undid my paper bib and led me to the front to take care of my bill.

It seems Dr. Johnston got hungry. And I guess it was close to lunchtime - I did hear his stomach grumble a little. I imagine that kind of thing wasn't uncommon with him -he was very old, stubborn and probably teetering on the edge of senility.

Anyway, I've got to call his office up and get them to fax over my dental records, which are pretty extensive. I had the fortune of inheriting my dad's teeth, which has been a source of much frustration my entire life. Despite good dental hygiene, I've already had two root canals and I can even count how many cavity fillings. My mother, mortified everytime I have to have something else done, always reminds me that she has never had one cavity in her entire life. Thanks Mom.

Anyway, this week should be interesting.

I didn't get a picture of the Manatee or the Walrus lady

I probably should have looked up directions because the Aquarium was not where I thought it was. Or at least I just got really turned around. Downtowns in general tend to do that to me. Anyway, we finally found it and after Mike launched my car through boulder sized craters full of post rain sludge, we parked in a lot where the payment rules were more than a little obscure. $2 or $5? All day? Weekends? A man with a small child latched onto his calf opted to pay the full amount, therefore causing us to rethink our choice and cram a couple more dollars (and some quarters) in the tiny numbered slot.

Of course I knew there would be many small children, I mentally prepared for that. What I did not count on was being stuck with them, their mothers, fathers, grandmothers and cousins in a human traffic jam in a narrow winding pathway with high walls and no visible means of escape.

I guess I should mention I'm a little - OK - I'm extremely claustrophobic. Meaning, among other things (namely light headedness, shortness of breath and general terror), excessive sweating. Excessive sweating plus "Tropical Rain Forest" environment = well, you get the picture. Not good.



But after the path widened up a bit I calmed down. And the critters were pretty fun to see.

I think my favorite Aquarium creature was the Manatee. I overheard the woman standing next to me at the Manatee tank say she thought it might be a Walrus. Um, lady, last I checked Walruses have very long fang teeth dagger things hanging out of their mouths. Plus the exhibit monitor said Manatee. She might have spent too much time in one of the ten Aquarium bars.

I also liked watching the bats for some reason. I know, strange right.

So all in all the Aquarium was decent. Not as good as I had hoped. They seriously need to address that traffic flow problem. And at the end, we were a little concerned/confused that the Aquarium exit spits you out into an alley.

Also, they should get more Manatees. And maybe a Walrus.

Little Known Fact

For some reason I have heard this phrase in abnormal abundancy lately. It is starting to irritate me. TV people, please stop saying "little known fact" with your index finger tapping the air.

In other, non-irritable news, I was very proud of myself last night when, after completing my grocery store run in less than 30 minutes (usually takes me an hour), I glanced down at my receipt to see that I had saved $13.20 with my Tom Thumb Rewards Card. $13.20! I think the most I've ever saved before this was like four dollars. You may now add thrifty shopper to Lou's list of skills. Thank you.

Mark Your Calendars

Do you know what tomorrow is? Do you? Do you?

Yes, it's Cow Appreciation Day.



Moo.

Sometimes, I just get hungry

I have a confession.

I ordered lunch at 11:30 a.m. today. According to a co-worker that is way too early.*

As I walked back to the office with my way to early to eat lunch order, I managed to consume half of the gigantor sugar cookie I purchased (hastily, on impulse, at the cash register) for dessert/mid-afternoon snack.

From my office to the place of the aforementioned lunch purchase is probably about 100 yards, including the elevator ride.

That is all.

*And NO I am NOT pregnant, despite the situation of most of the other female employees.

Roadmaster

Mama's cars always smelled of spearmint gum. It was if Trident had been responsible for manufacturing the interior. Trident, I think, was her gum of choice. In church, she would always open up her purse — which also smelled of spearmint — to reveal a nice collection of those colorfully packaged Trident rectangles. (Of course, in church, it always seemed as if Mama would push the Tic Tacs to keep us occupied, because, I think, although they made more of a ruckus with their maraca-like shaking [she always pulled them out during a quiet portion of the sermon causing several white-haired heads to turn around slowly], at least we wouldn't pop bubbles with them. I suspect, too, that she enjoyed making the heads turn.)

In addition to the aroma, a box of Kleenex was always a constant fixture in the back window of Mama's ride - which was the typical I-am-a-grandmother Buick Roadmaster, or in the recent years, Cadillac.

Ruston's KPCH or "The Peach" was station of choice preset on her car radio. Always. The sounds of Patsy Cline trickled out of the speakers.

Although she was a terrible driver, Mama loved to drive. She loved having her own car. And when Papa decided that it was time for the two to share a car, she was pissed. PISSED. I think she even said that.

She was so pissed, in fact, that she never quite got over it.

Since that fateful day Mama has gotten her revenge on a regular basis. She of course will claim "it was an accident," but the gleam in her eye says otherwise.

One day, as I was shooting some hoops in her driveway, Mama came rolling into the carport. She got out, looked around, and then pointed. The front right underside of the otherwise immaculate machine was bruised - dented and scraped. She smiled. "Don't tell Papa," she said, adding that he probably wouldn't notice until he went to wash the car.

Then, of course, further supporting A. my belief that Mama was out for revenge and B. The universal fact that when people get old they just don't give a fuck anymore especially when it comes to lines, there was the Kentucky Fried Chicken incident.

Mama and I were in the drive-thru line at the local KFC, pre-KFC days when "Fried" was still a socially acceptable word. Mama expressed that she did not want to wait in line anymore - and what in the world could the car in front of us have ordered? My goodness, she said.

Then, she hit the gas pedal.

We hit the bumper of the car in front of us, causing it to bounce forward a bit and us to bounce back. The woman in the driver's seat turned around.

Mama waved, with a smile.

The woman turned back around and drove off.

I remember being perplexed that the woman did not get out of the car to inspect, or even to shake an angry fist. She just drove away. Perhaps, she too was pleased with a bit of damage?

I was also shocked that Mama acted as if bumping into the car in front of you was normal drive thru line behavior.

She pulled forward and placed our order.

5 on it

Passed along from Jessie. I should so be working right now.

10 years ago: I was driving around in my '92 maroon Chevy Corsica LT with the windows down. I'd just gotten off work at my dad's store where I was spending the summer helping out in the display department. Setting up window displays in Louisiana summers = really hot. And the studio had no A/C. So most likely I was en route to get a peach Icee followed by an afternoon of pool lounging.

5 years ago: Summer school at La. Tech University. I gave a speech on "How to make party cups." I made a B.

1 year ago: I had just gotten back from my first (and only) trip to Chicago. Great city.

Yesterday: I was tired - but productive. I got shit done at work for a change. Discovered the new "Junior Caramels" and Coke Zero. Was not impressed by the latter.

Today:I smell like a smokehouse. I spent the morning conducting an interview and photoshoot at a BBQ joint. I stink. But damn, I got to eat ribs at 10 in the morning - how awesome is that?

Tomorrow: I want to go to the Aquarium. I also have to get my bridesmaid's dress altered.

5 snacks I enjoy: Chocolate, Chips (Sour Cream & Cheddar Baked Lays), Popsicles, Sno Cones, Cheese.

5 bands that I know the lyrics of MOST of their songs: Widespread Panic, Interpol, Smashing Pumpkins, Tori Amos, THE GRATEFUL DEAD!

5 things I would do with $100,000,000: By my mom a house on the beach, buy myself a house on the beach -perhaps in Italy, travel, travel some more and give $$ to the Special Olympics.

5 locations I’d like to run away to: Cinque Terre in Italy, The San Juan Islands, Colorado, Chicago, Hilton Head or Charleston SC.

5 bad habits I have: picking at my fingers/nails, smoking, not keeping in touch with people, laziness, procrastination.

5 things I like doing: Sleeping, watching movies, reading, swimming, playing Galaga.

5 things I would never wear: thongs, one of those velour jumpsuits that says "Juicy" on the butt, extensions, an eyebrow ring, a mohawk.

5 TV shows I like: Absolutely Fabulous, Seinfeld, Sex and the City, The Daily Show and Rick Steves.

5 movies I like: The Blues Brothers, Better Off Dead, The Big Lebowski, Hero, Dr. Strangelove.

5 famous people I’d like to meet: Jon Stewart, Bill Murray, Jennifer Saunders, Jack and Meg White, Zack Braff.

5 biggest joys at the moment: long days, weekends, wine, beer, minimal responsibility.

5 favorite toys: Slinky, Frisbee, basketball, water gun, rollerblades.

5 people to tag: Hmm, don't know if I have five. Let's see. Bek and Amy. no one else I can think of would actually do this.

So Hard To Say Goodbye

I think it is time to retire my Teva flip flops.

They smell really really bad.

I've tried to give them up time and time again, but I just can't do it. Other than the fact that they are THE MOST comfortable shoes/sandals/flips/flops* that I've ever owned, we've just been through so much together. They are my trusty fallbacks.

I purchased them at Galyan's in Lenox Marketplace while living in Atlanta in the summer of '03, shortly before a trip to Tennessee for the notorious music festival Bonnaroo.

There, in the lost farmland of eastern Tennessee, they saw it all, my new, innocent little pedalers. Most of all, they survived what became known throughout the crowd of 80,000 plus as the "flip flop graveyard." It was a giant sinking pit of gooey mud that increased in size and intensity each day as spectators' feet slurped through it's mucky depths.

Of course there was some residue - dried mud at the least - left on my sandals.

Then there were various river trips, trips to the beach, the attack of a particular doglet's revenge after being left alone - tooth marks forever reminding me of that look - the "I-can't-believe-you-left-me-here-alone and I've-done-something-really-bad" look, the many stepping-in-gum incidents, and so on.

With the mud, the canine punctures, the gum - I've held on strong. My shoes, they have character, I've told myself.

But there's the smell. The smell has been gradually building up over all this time. And now, my friends, now I believe its finally gotten bad enough for me to really consider saying goodbye.

Sigh.

*I have a pair of twin friends, they are boys, they are age 26. One of them calls these particular type of sandals "flips" and the other one calls them "flops."

shit

I was not present for the fireworks display, but I know that it scared the shit out of the local bird population - literally. There was bird poop all over the street as I walked into work this morning.

slice and dice

It was not the multiple instances of large knife handling and tomato/onion cutting over the weekend, but rather my new Bic "Soleil" razor that sliced off the upper portion of nail and a chunk of skin on my left index finger.

Of course, the only Band-Aids I've got in the apartment are bright yellow ones that picture Yoda wielding a light saber. Very professional.

By the way, and totally unrelated to the previous comments, Fresca is a very delicious beverage.

That is all, I hope everyone had a good 4th.